The holy grail of romance and dating is a method of absolutely determining compatibility with a romantic prospect. Of course no such method exists. But over the centuries some guidelines have arisen — some silly and trivial, some from the halls of science.

A quick search on the web for ‘romantic compatibility’ yields thousands of articles on astrology. There is no need to comment further on that here.

So having left the other-worldly realm lets get down to the most earthly-possible romantic thermometer: smell. A classic study indicated, to the surprise of the researchers, that when presented with a series of sweaty men’s t-shirts, a woman will select, as the most attractive (or least offensive) the garment from the man with the most dissimilar DNA. That may be nature’s way of discouraging inbreeding.

That is an interesting idea, and genetic diversity may ensure prolonged desire but it won’t ensure a loving, caring relationship.

Another interesting, if seemingly trivial, idea is that the tendency to dominate others needs to be considered in a romantic coupling. Specifically, an eldest child may be comfortable in the position of leader while a youngest child may be satisfied in a less domineering role. So, a match between an eldest child and a youngest child may produce less friction than a match between two eldest children. Moreover, the eldest brother of sisters may have an easygoing match the the youngest sister of brothers: each would be used to dealing with the opposite sex in the appropriately dominating manner. Just a thought (and not an original one but I have long forgotten the reference).

Then comes an even more obvious set of parameters: those with a similar intelligence, good looks and religious values, economic background. However, in her Chemistry of Love article Helen Fisher asserts that: “when scientists administer personality tests to long-married couples, NO patterns of personality similarity or differences emerge.”

Ms Fisher believes that “humans fall into four very broad genetic types, what I call the Explorer, Builder, Negotiator and Director–each associated respectively with the activities of dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone.  Moreover, I theorized that we are regularly attracted to individuals (from our background) who have a different genetic profile.  This way partners can bear more varied young and co-parent with a wider array of parenting skills.”

My personal feeling is that there is nothing more important than communicating. If you meet someone and can talk with them (not ‘to’ them) easily, then pursue the relationship further. To emphasize, make sure that both of you are communicating, not just one. i mention this because in the beginning, one person doing all the talking can be a kind of smoke screen, that masks the fact that you are not communicating at all: there is a talker and a listener. I believe that that dynamic will lead to difficulties over the long run.

So, smell your romantic prospect, note their position among their siblings, take note of how your conversations go and listen to your heart.